___What happened along the way?___

What happened along the way? I know people changed, I know time passes us by like lightning but still, what happened along the way?

I used to hold his tiny hands during those dark nights when we slept together. Him by my side for years as we were growing up. We used to have this counting game just before I switch off the lights because he was just too scared to be alone (even for that few seconds) when I ran to the switch to turn off the light and back to the bed, next to him, again. I would say, "Count to 3 and I'll be back, where I left you." And he did. Every night before we fell asleep, for years...

Then, as he was growing up, being in school and all; I stayed back after my classes to be with him. I sat at the staircase next to his seat in school and just watching him. Assuring him that I'd always be there for him, that he'd never be alone. Everyday until I left primary school...

The ultimate blow was when I left him and continued chasing my dreams! He was left alone, alone without anyone to guide him. No one to hold his hands anymore. And today, I realized that he was holding his arms up in the air; hoping to grasp onto something. Something that he can hold on, too..  Just like when he was young. 

It broke my heart into pieces. Shattered it to million pieces. To think that I left him at a time when he needed someone to believe in him. I don't blame him for not being who I want him to be, I don't blame him for making the wrong decisions now and then; above it all, I don't blame him for not knowing what to do. I blame myself. All on myself. Mama used to tell me that irregardless of how old he is going to be, inside of him, he's still that little boy who wants to hold someone else's hand for assurance. I guess I've overlooked that point all these times. 

I told him, 

"We are family. And family talks, family never leaves anyone behind to suffer!"

Andy, I'm sorry for not being there all these times. This is the wake up call for me. This is the time I need to mend trust that's been broken. And I promise you, this time round, I won't let you go anymore. You are my only brother and I always want the best for you. Even if it means I not getting anything at all. 

No matter what happened along the way, 

no matter how far we've been apart, 

no matter what'll happen,

know that I love you
I love you

since the day I called you,

"My brother... 

the one that holds my hands at night."